Over the years it’s been interesting to see what makes a Time-Out work for toddlers and what doesn’t. When a baby, toddler, or young child has an unwanted behavior we want to interrupt that pattern by immediately placing them in Time-Out. This will send them the message that the behavior was not appropriate and they will be stopped from doing it each time they have the behavior, maybe with other consequences if the behavior continues (lost privileges, etc.)
Personally, I have not found that making the Time-Out location in their room a problem at all with my three children. They know that if they’re sent to or taken to their room they have had a really bad behavior and they are sent there to think about it without all the interruptions of the house. Babies and toddlers will get the message just from your action in immediately stopping them and putting them in a Time-Out location.
According to the book Parenting with Love and Logic we do not set a time limit on the Time Out unless the behavior was really bad. They are welcome to come out when they are ready to stop the behavior, apologize for it, and tell us how they can behave differently next time.
Here are some mistakes to avoid to help make Time Outs effective every time.
1. Don’t Make Timeout Fun: Your child won’t view timeout as a punishment if he has fun things to do during it. Boring spots in your house have proven to be effective. They shouldn’t have a lot of distractions so places like a bathroom, a laundry room or a chair in the hallway should be considered. The more boring the better. Like I said before, their bedroom has worked for us as well because sometimes part of the consequence is that after they have thought about how to behave differently they can come out when their room is tidy.
2. Don’t Give Your Child Attention During the Time-Out: Silence speaks louder than words. Therefore, don’t talk to or lecture your child during a timeout. Kids take negative attention over being ignored any day. Even if your child starts to protest ignore him until the timeout is over.
3. Don’t Make Empty Threats: You must follow through on what you say you’re going to do. Don’t threaten to put your child in a timeout unless you have the time and energy to do it, considering he may have tantrum on the way there.
4. Don’t Make timeouts too short or too long: A child under the age of 3 is too young to really understand the concept of a timeout, so simply remove your toddler from the situation in which he’s misbehaving should be enough. Once they are two I start using the 1-Minute Per Age rule. So if they’re 4 years old I make sure they’re in Time-Out for at least four minutes. Once they’re old enough to cognitively think about their wrong-doing and how they can do it differently next time (maybe around age 6 or 7) then we tell them they can come out of Time Out once they can tell us a different way to handle that situation the next time. If they cannot think of anything we ask them if they would like some suggestions (per the Parenting with Love and Logic book), and if they do then we offer some for them to choose from that are all viable answers.
5. Not having a Back-Up Plan: If you child refuses to go into timeout comes too soon, you can tell him that you’ll have to set a timer and they will not be able to come out until the timer goes off. You can start with the 1-Minute Per Age rule and then add on another 5, 10, etc. depending on the child’s age. Once my children became to heavy to carry to Time Out I started counting down from 10 to 1. If they were in their Time Out spot by the time I got to 1 I wouldn’t set the timer and they could come out when they were ready (according to the rules above). If they didn’t make it in time then I would set the timer. If they NEVER made it to Time Out (for those stubborn, strong-willed children) then I would take away a coveted privilege for the remainder of that day (and sometimes the following day if the current day was almost over).
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