Tantrums!

A toddler having a tantrum is not a fun thing to deal with or watch!  I have had my fair share of them with my three kids.  I saw when I used the following strategy their tantrums got shorter and the whole process of eliminating them was fairly short as well (as compared to other friends of mine whose children at age 4 are still having them!).  My kids were done having tantrums by the time they were 2.  And then only on a rare occaision would they have another one.  Here’s what I do:

It didn’t matter what the reason for the tantrum, I would do this every time.  I remember my second son at the time was able to sit up when he began having tantrums.  I remember taking a zip-loc bag away from him that he’d found and he threw himself backward completely screaming and crying.  Once I figured out after a couple of these that this was his way of throwing a fit I began putting him somewhere safe so he wouldn’t hit head on the corner of the wall or something else that might hurt him.  Then I would take away the thing that was going to make him mad.  He would instantly throw himself backward and I would walk off (knowing he was safe).

I ignore tantrums.  I tell them, “I’ll be glad to talk to you when you’ve calmed down.  Let me know when you’re through.”  They always came and told me.  Sometimes they stayed away to have time alone to themselves to get over their anger.  I think this is good too because it shows them learning how to calm down by themselves and to manage their anger alone. They eventually come to me and we have a big hug and THEN I tell them why I took the item away (or whatever sparked the tantrum).

So here are the highlights once the tantrum starts:

• Make sure they are in a safe place.
• Turn around and walk off without looking back!
• On your way out tell them you’ll be glad to talk to them again once they’ve calmed down.
• Once they come and find you, if they’ve calmed down, give them a big hug.
• Explain to them why YOU did what you did and why it was necessary.  Do not get into a long explanation.  Shorter is better because they only can take in so much.  Don’t bother trying to tell them this once the tantrum has started because they won’t hear you through all the screaming.
• Don’t give in and go to them!!!  They will be alright because you’ve ensured their safety.  If you need to peek, it’s okay but make sure they don’t see you or else you’ve defeated the purpose of letting them see you’re not attracted to this bad behavior!
• Be consistent.  Do this every time they have a tantrum and they will stop having the tantrums sooner rather than later.  I promise!

Other books to read that have this subject and other suggestions are listed under my Books Recommended section.  The two I highly recommend for this age group are “Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood: birth through age 6″ and “The Happiest Toddler on the Block”.  They’re great and I wouldn’t have made it through “toddlerhood” without them!

Let me know if you have other challenges with your child that we can blog about on here and help you with!  Have a great day!

Tagged as: challenges with toddlers, screaming sessions, tantrums, throwing fits, toddler challenges, toddlers throwing tantrums